Rolling Right Along

Life is rolling right along and I am just trying to keep up with it! Our lives have been packed full and we have been beyond busy throughout the past month, but I would honestly have it no other way.

I have realized that my favorite moments in life are simply being with the people I love, and we have been blessed to be able to do just that over the past weeks!

We attended a dear friend's wedding early in October -- and Mckinley was so excited to get to go and dance the night away!

Justin, Mckinley and I have been working on baby boy's nursery, and we are almost finished! Mckinley is actually a great artist  and her 'perfectionist' tendencies made her wall art projects look fantastic!  My wonderful husband is a master at making my dreams a reality - I find a picture on Pinterest and I just assume that Justin can make it for me - and he always does (without having to spend a fortune!) With a nautical nursery, and a daddy that would spend all of his time on the lake if he could, our son has no choice but to love the water!

We were planning on going to Canada to spend time with Justin's family in October, but my doctor advised us to stay close to home, so we improvised and had a wonderful weekend as a family. Shopping, Build-a-Bear, and a Buckeye's party with friends was a pretty good alternative!

 A few weeks ago my Great Aunt Jan passed away after a battle with cancer. Jan babysat my sister and I when we were growing up, and some of my favorite childhood memories happened when I was with her. She showed so much love and 'adopted' us as her stand-in grandchildren, and I am so thankful that she was such a huge part of my life. I absolutely loved having an 'extra' grandma! I miss her already, but know that she is enjoying life in the presence of her Savior. Every time someone that I love enters heaven, it makes it seem all that more real and tangible - and I truly can't wait to join them some day!

The past few weeks were filled with trips to the pumpkin patch, pumpkin carving, Halloween (with the cutest Minnie Mouse), a flu bug for Mckinley, a visit from Great Grandpa and Grandma Diller, a visit from Uncle Kyle and Aunt Jenny, a girl's weekend shopping with Mama and Emmy, and Uncle Justin's birthday! I absolutely love seeing Mckinley's personality unfold each day, and I am so grateful to have a child who LOVES life. She is happy and pleasant 99.9% of the time and I feel blessed to just get to be her mom.

Even though I love being busy , I have realized that an evening at home eating leftovers, taking baths, giggling until we cant breathe, and extra long bedtime snuggles is my favorite kind of day. I absolutely love my little family!

I am officially 36 weeks and 3 days along with our little man! A few weeks ago, my doctor was concerned that this little guy may come earlier than expected - so I was advised to take it easy in order to keep him 'cooking' a little longer. I have been having a lot of contractions for quite some time and some pretty intense pelvic pain which makes walking and doing normal daily activities difficult. My doctor had hoped that I would make it to this point, and then she wanted me to be able to deliver ASAP (which I am a-ok with). She is afraid that I won't be able to walk at all if I go all the way to 40 weeks.

I had an appointment yesterday, and this is what I learned:
1) I am still pregnant.
2) I am still having contractions and my pelvic bones are still separating.
3) There seems to be little 'progress' as far as the baby coming now. 
4) There isn't much that my doctor can do to speed things along or to help with my pain.
5) My doctor suggested that I quit working and take it easy so that I am not on my feet so much so that I can conserve my energy and hopefully still be able to walk in the coming weeks.
8) And. I am still. pregnant.

After my appointment I was feeling very discouraged. I do not like to complain, but yesterday I had an emotional day. After being in the mindset that this baby would most likely come early, and now being told that we may have several more weeks, I just needed to cry. I am beyond thankful to be chosen to be a mom to my kids, but I think that I am just tired and overly emotional. I am also feeling discouraged because of the amount of pain that I am in. I feel that because of the pain and not being able to move much that I am not able to be a good teacher, wife, or mother. Justin was once again wonderful amidst all of my tears, and reassured me that we would make it through.

Today I woke up with a better outlook and realized that I need to simply rely on God for strength and know that I will have a baby boy to hold in a few weeks time. While I am definitely anxious and somewhat impatient, I realize that we will be a family of four in a (relatively) short amount of time! 

Oh, How He Loves Us

The past two months have been a whirlwind of activity. Never in my life have I experienced so many highs and lows all within the span of a few weeks. But that's life I guess. The good coupled with the bad and the sorrows teaching us to appreciate the joys.

The last time that I blogged we were getting ready to head to Michigan for our annual trip to the lake. We had a fantastic week that was full of relaxation. Getting away from the normal routine of everyday life is always a great way to end the summer and gear up for the school year.

We returned from vacation and immediately starting prepping for the school year. My sister, Emily joined our team at the preschool and is the lead teacher of one of our classes. Knowing that school was just around the corner, we were hustling to try to get everything in order.

On August 25, Emily and her husband Justin went in for an appointment with a specialist to check on the condition of their baby. They were told the heartbreaking news that the baby's heartbeat could not be found. They were sent to the hospital to be induced and go through labor and delivery of their precious boy. The next morning, on August 26, Caden Michael Smith was born and was immediately welcomed into the arms of Jesus. This tiny baby was loved by so many, and the grief of a precious child who we never had the chance to know was very real. Emotions have been high -- anger, sadness, and confusion have bombarded us--sometimes all within the same hour.

The strength that Emily and Justin have shown throughout this entire process has been so encouraging to me as well as everyone who has heard their story. Their unwavering faith has proven that Christ is truly the solid rock on which we stand. I have always looked up to my sister, but throughout these last few months I have realized even more that she is the person that I want to strive to be like. Her class, grace, strength, and faith are all characteristics that I want to have in my life. I am also thankful for her Justin. He is a wonderful brother-in-law and his support of Emily and the rest of the family has been beyond commendable. My parents have also been so strong through their own grief. I am so so thankful for the Godly family that I am a part of. Grief is weird and hard, but I absolutely cannot imagine going through this without our family and the hope of heaven.

Losing our nephew has definitely been a devastating time for our family. Our dreams of his life had to change drastically. Instead of watching him grow up here on earth, we anticipate knowing him in heaven. Our visions of having our little boy grow up with his cousin -- being only a week apart -- were suddenly altered. Someone so graciously told us that our little guy now has his own guardian angel watching over him. Caden Michael, we love you and can't wait to meet you someday. Heaven seems so much more more real, and we honestly cannot wait until that day comes.

Please continue to pray for Emily and Justin as the grieving process continues and they return their new 'normal'.

School started on September 3, and we are having a great school year. We have a great group of students and it has been so much fun working with my sister! Miss Emily is definitely loved by all of the kids.

The month of September was packed full of fun weekends as we welcomed fall. The Wayne County Fair was a huge success--especially in the eyes of Mckinley. She even got to watch the Tractor Pull with daddy -- which she loved!

Aunt Bida (Melissa) left for YWAM on September 18. She will be spending 5 months in Mexico and South America doing ministry! We are so excited to see what God does through and in her, but we will miss her like crazy! We had an early birthday party for Mckinley with the Rabers on September 14 so that Melissa could be here (and she made a fabulous cake!)

On September 20 Mckinley turned two! It literally blows my mind that two years have passed. She is such a wonderful little girl, and her personality is so pleasant and fun. We had a great day of celebrating her and ended the day with her Curious George birthday party!

We closed out September with our fall field trip to Ramseyer Farms -- which Mckinley got to participate in! Saturday we went the Swiss Festival and got to see Great Grandpa Raber in the parade and spend time with lots of family. On Sunday we went to the Stutzman family hog roast and had a fantastic time.

This morning I had a prenatal appointment for Baby Boy Raber. He is doing very well! There is still the 'spot' visible on his heart, but still not a concern! The fluid in the kidneys that was being monitored is virtually GONE! This is such an answer to prayer and we are so relieved and thankful. Momma is doing well, although uncomfortable and sleepy. My doctor is going to be monitoring my fluid levels more closely over the next few weeks to make sure that baby has plenty of fluid to 'swim' in for the remaining weeks. We are getting extremely excited to meet this little man! We are working on his nursery and it makes it seem that much more real. Now we just need to decide on a name!

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Romans 5:3-5

After reading Romans 5:3-5 a million times in my life, the last part finally made sense to me. Many times we focus on the trials and problems and talk about how it will produce perseverance and hope. Although this is completely true, I think that the most important part is the fact that through the trials we can know how much God loves us. I don't know about you, but this is exactly the information that I need to know.


Highs and lows. Our lives are packed full of them. God gives us grace to withstand the struggles and heartaches. He also blesses our lives with moments of laughter and joy. It has consistently amazed me over the past weeks how much He loves us. The fact that our family has been filled with peace through the trials only proves that He has never left our side. The fact that our family can laugh and still thoroughly enjoy life only proves that His love for us is bigger than anything we can ever face.

How has God showed His love for you recently? 

Hold My Hand

First of all, thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU for all your prayers and support for our family over the past week! They were definitely felt and appreciated. We have been so encouraged by the notes and stories from those who love us.

Our appointment with the high-risk doctor was originally scheduled for last Wednesday, July 30. After talking with our insurance company literally all morning on Tuesday (uugghhh), our appointment was cancelled. We were able to find another option at Maternal Fetal Medicine at Canton Aultman hospital and had our appointment yesterday (Monday) morning.

We went with a bundle of nerves and a lot of anticipation to get some answers. We first met with a genetic counselor who looked over our previous ultrasounds, family history, and previous health records. She kindly explained to us that the spot on the heart usually ends up resolving itself and is found in 2% of all babies. She also mentioned that there was some fluid noticed in our baby's kidneys. This is something that usually also resolves itself, but needs to be monitored in order to have a good understanding of what to expect at delivery. Both of these 'issues' are known as soft markers for Down’s Syndrome. After looking through all of this information, she told us that the possibility of our baby being born with Down’s Syndrome was still very miniscule.

We then went downstairs for a more in-depth ultrasound with the high-risk doctor. The ultrasound lasted over an hour! Our little man is still a little man and we got to see him wiggling around -- which did this mama's heart good. The doctor explained that the spot on the heart was an Echogenic Foci, and something that he is not AT ALL concerned with! Praise the Lord! There is still fluid in the kidneys. This is usually resolved when the baby is born and urinates for the first time. Periodically, this does not resolve the issue, and can cause some minor issues after birth. The doctor reassured us that this is not something to be worried about, but that he would want to monitor the fluid levels as we get closer to delivery in order to know what to expect at birth.

Newest picture of little man!

Overall, we were extremely encouraged by the report! We know that our baby is in God's hands and we are trusting Him to take care of our little guy. Although we are praying for a perfectly healthy baby, we know that God would give us the grace that we would need if our little man would have a disability.

The morning of the appointment I was feeling very anxious and stressed. I happened to look at my Jesus Calling calendar for the day and this is what it said: "Hold my hand and walk joyously with Me through this day. Together we will savor the pleasures and endure the difficulties that it brings. I am your Guide, as well as your constant companion. I know every step of the journey ahead of you." I just love when God speaks in such obvious ways to me. Knowing that He holds the future gives me the peace and confidence that I need to keep journeying through this life.

So thank you for joining with us in prayer! Please continue to lift us before the Father in the next months.

Mckinley and Daddy with our good friends this weekend! Mckinley loved baby Elysa!

Side note:
Can I just tell you how great my husband is? I would seriously be so lost without Justin's stability in my life. I can tend to be emotional, dramatic, feisty... you get the picture. Justin definitely evens our relationship out with his realistic and calm view of situations. He lets me cry, yell, and freak out without getting upset with me and then calmly offers a realistic view of the situation which immediately brings me back down to earth. Sometimes, he doesn't even say anything after one of my 'episodes' and simply lets me calm down and then just starts praying for me and the situation at hand. Let me just say. Husband of the century.

After a rough start to this pregnancy, with me basically not being able to get off the couch for almost three months and in and out of the hospital, Justin would come home after a long day of hard work and make dinner, take care of Mckinley, do laundry, and hold my hair back while I was hugging the toilet. He did all of this without ever once complaining. (Although last night he said he almost died in those three months. Ha!).

I am so grateful that such a wonderful man loves me and loves our children. Seriously ladies -- don't take your husbands for granted, and girls don't ever settle for a man less than the best. (Although the BEST is already taken :)

 

Perfect Weakness

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
 2 Corinthians 12:9

I don't know about you, but I have read this verse hundreds of times in my life. I always thought that I understood its meaning, but I just recently discovered what it is to be truly weak. 

My life up until this point has been pretty great. I was raised in a wonderful family who taught me to know and love Christ. I have had amazing friends that support me and love me unconditionally. I met the love of my life in high school and get to enjoy everyday life with him. Justin and I have a beautiful little girl who lights up our lives. Last week we found out we are adding a baby boy to our family in December. I have been blessed.

Love my family!

I have the tendency to think that I can control my life. I usually try to accomplish things with my own strength - and honestly can be fairly successful most days. I have realized though, that Christ wants us to rely on Him. Sometimes I almost have to be forced into complete reliance on God. When I am faced with a situation that is out of my control, I finally realize that Christ is the only way out, and I am forced into leaning on Him. Once I release my grasp and give the situation to Him, I immediately recognize that this is what God wants from us in every situation. A sense of relief flows over me as I let the worry fall off of my own shoulders and let God's power take over. 

Recently, our family has been faced with several situations that require total dependence on God. My sister Emily and her husband Justin were told that their child that is expected to arrive in November has several severe complications and is not expected to make it. Woah. A situation that definitely makes us feel weak. A situation that is completely out of our human control. So we lean on God. And ask for a miracle. And we trust that He is in control.

Emily and Justin at their wedding last summer!

Last week Justin and I  had an ultrasound and found out that our little munchkin is a boy! We are so excited to add a boy to our family and to see Mckinley interact with her little brother! After the ultrasound, our doctor came in to talk to us about our baby. She told us that they noticed a 'spot' on one of the baby's heart ventricles that is some cause for concern. She was very honest with the fact that she doesn't actually know what it is or what it could be. Usually, with this type of 'spot' on the heart, there are more indicators of abnormalities on the baby. She did not see anything else that would typically be apparent and indicate more severe complications - praise God!

Our handsome little man! Justin thinks he has his mouth :)

In order to hopefully find out what we are dealing with, our doctor is sending us to a high-risk doctor in Akron to do a more in-depth ultrasound. Our appointment is this Wednesday morning. At this point we are praying for a miracle. We believe that we could go to the appointment and the doctor wouldn't be able to even see the spot. We also know that it may still be there and are praying for wisdom from the doctors and clarity for the situation.

Amidst the excitement as we anticipate our newest family member, I must admit that I felt like I was punched in the gut when we found out that this probably isn't going to be a routine pregnancy. I am thankful that my first instinct is to cry out to God - but to actually follow through and not worry and give it completely to Him has proved to be extremely difficult. I feel weak. I feel powerless. But I do know that I would rather have God's strength instead of my own. Please join us as we pray for our family - both for my niece or nephew and our little boy.

Weakness is most often viewed as a handicap. Something that we try our hardest to avoid. But it happens - and most of the time without any warning. The feeling of weakness catches us completely off guard and knocks us to our knees. I am so thankful to know the one Person who is stronger than anything that can be thrown at us. The one Person who can handle it.

So I have learned that sometimes weakness is the perfect place to be. When I am weak, my Father has the opportunity to wrap his arms around me and take care of me better than I ever could on my own.