5 years and 11 months ago they placed you in my arms and my life changed instantly. My heart felt love like I had never felt before — I couldn’t believe you were mine! 24 years old and I was a first time mom. I was equal parts ecstatic and terrified. I didn’t know how to be a mom. We figured it out together though, didn’t we? A lot of second guessing myself, a lot of tears, but so much love.
A lot of life has happened in these almost 6 years. You became a big sister twice — and have handled it with grace and excellence. Your heart is kind and I am oh so proud that you are mine. You head to Kindergarten this week and my heart feels like it is ripping out of my chest. Just like that warm fall morning in 2012, I feel equally ecstatic and terrified.
I have cried so many tears over the past few weeks as I picture you walking into a brand new building with your brand new backpack and sparkly lunchbox. Will you find your best friend on that first day? Will you remember how to open your lunch? Will you know where the bathroom is? Will you belly laugh like you do when you are at home? Oh how I will miss you while you are gone.
But you will soar, baby girl. You will notice the shy student and quietly sit by them so that they feel comfortable. You will be enamored with your teacher and soak up each word she says. You will show love to everyone and kindness to the underdog. You are ready, sweet girl - it’s your momma who’s not quite ready to let go.
You made me a momma, and for that I am so thankful. These days are filled with fun and laughter, but also chaos and crazy. But I see you, Miss Mckinley. Even amidst the crazy. Even on the days that I fall into bed and realize that I never got to read that book you asked me to read with you at 10am.
I see the way that you make sure that Cohen is happy - even if that means that you give up your special toy that was rightfully yours.
I see the way that you gently comfort Anna Grace and redirect her when I am folding laundry in the next room.
I see that you have your shoes on and help Cohen figure out the right feet while I am running around trying to get everyone out the door.
I see you knowing the rules and following them without need for affirmation.
I see you extending grace when your momma messes up.
I see you extending grace when your momma messes up.
I see you when you are deep into make believe and are absentmindedly singing praises to Jesus with your own words that are wise beyond your years.
I see you, sweet girl. And I don’t acknowledge it nearly enough, but you are so very special and God has something huge for your life. I am honored to be your mom. I surely am the luckiest.
As you head to Kindergarten and to the rest of your life, I only wish for one thing. That your love for Jesus would be the most important thing in your life. That he would guide each step you take. Everything else? Everything else is extra. Oh, we will celebrate the Honor Roll, or making the team, or performing on that big stage - but all those things pale in comparison to a life that is committed to Jesus. And at 5 years old, somehow I think you already know that.
All my love, little one. Now go do big things. 💜
