Fast forward to my senior year. Justin was going to a local college, I was enjoying my senior year. I had decided not to be a cheerleader my senior season, so I was able to simply go to all of the basketball games - and as luck would have it, Justin was always there to watch his brother play. We started hanging out with a group of mutual friends after all the games, and it didn't take long for the two of us to connect. We usually ended up sitting next to each other and laughing and talking nonstop. Through those months we became good friends and if I was being honest, I was falling for him hard. He called one night and asked if I had a date to senior banquet (Christian school 'prom'), and asked if he could take me. I calmly said 'sure!', and then hung up the phone and squealed with giddiness. Banquet was our official first date, and that night when he dropped me off at home he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was a WRECK, and stumbled over every word, I was calm and nonchalant, and then ran in the house and jumped on my sisters bed to giggle and scream and FREAK OUT BECAUSE JUSTIN RABER WAS MY BOYFRIEND. That was 11 years ago.
Our four years of dating were wonderful. I was in college on Mt Vernon, and came home every weekend to spend time with Justin. We talked on the phone every night for hours and covered every topic under the sun. About six months into our relationship, he brought up the fact that he wasn't dating me just for fun, that he was dating me because he saw me as his wife some day. I once again stayed calm and agreed, but hung up the phone and screamed in my dorm room and did a little dance. The summer before my junior year at college, he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. It was the easiest 'yes' I have ever said. We got married on June 26, 2010 and it was the most fabulous day.
Seven years of being married to the man of my dreams. It has been so so wonderful. Not always easy, but always so good. For 11 years Justin has been by my side - that is a big chunk of my life. Although we have had our hard times and struggles, and not every moment has been sunshine and roses, we both agree that being married has not been hard. Choosing to be committed to each other has never been a struggle. I realize completely that this isn't the case for many couples, and so I have been thinking about why our perspective of our marriage is so different than so many people. Why our marriage sometimes seems 'easy' in light of marriages around us.
I think there are a lot of reasons why, and so here are 7, to celebrate our 7 years of marriage!
1) Christ really is at the center of our marriage. It sounds cliche, but keeping a focus on Christ - in spite of everything swirling around us - is what grounds us. Realizing that our marriage is ultimately to honor Christ is such a different perspective. It's not about me, or Justin, or even us as a couple, it is about Christ and what our marriage can do to grow his kingdom. We sometimes get sidetracked from this focus, and have to reset. I promise you though, serving Christ TOGETHER is the best thing that you can do for your marriage. Plus, it's so fun to watch Christ move and work through your spouse.
2) It's about serving. I'll be honest, this one is hard for me. I am a very selfish person. Being married (and having kids) reinforced the fact that I naturally look out for my interests. Thankfully, Justin models this so well for me, and I am learning as we go (and he is beyond patient). Doing things that you might not enjoy, simply because you know that it will help your spouse is so important - and shows your love in such a strong way.
3) Fight fair. As I said before, not every moment is sunshine and roses. Arguments come up. Disagreements happen. He drives you batty. I get irrationally upset. WE GET IT. We definitely have our fights, but one thing that we have never done is take cheap shots at each other - and I think it has strengthened our marriage. In my anger, even if something crosses my mind to say to 'one up' him in a fight, but I realize it would crush him, I DON'T SAY IT. Seriously people, Justin is MUCH better at this than me (notice a trend?!). In our eleven years of being together, he has never said one mean thing to me. We have argued and fought and disagreed, but we intentionally respect each other through our struggles.
4) Laugh. A LOT. I love to laugh, and Justin is a pro at making me laugh- even when I don't want to. Believe me- even if you are in a mood and want to stay mad, but he makes a ridiculous comment, let yourself laugh. Giggle with each other, laugh at each other, and go out of your way to get a smile from your spouse.
5) Communicate. Another cliche marriage tip- but so very important. I think one of the reasons our marriage has been great is because of all the communicating we did BEFORE we ever even got married. We literally talked about everything. No subject was off limits, so we had a very good understanding of what we were getting into when we tied the knot. Communicating throughout everyday life is equally important. With the hectic pace of life, sometimes we have to stop and reconnect just by carving out time to talk to each other. We usually realize we are due for a heart to heart when we get annoyed with each other approximately every other second. Communicating about frustrations we have against our spouse is also vitally important. If we don't, those little frustrations fester and grow into something huge - when communicating early on would diffuse the fire. I can usually tell when something is bothering Justin, and when I ask him what's wrong, he usually says 'nothing' for about two days until it finally comes out. Now, when I ask him what's wrong, I add 'either tell me now, instead of waiting until tomorrow, or if nothing is actually wrong, then start acting normal again" (ha!) But listen - it works!! He usually smiles and then tells me what's bothering him and then we can deal with it right then.
6) Invest in your marriage. Obviously we love our kids, and obviously we love them more than life. But we CHOOSE to love each other - and that is our priority. Making your spouse the priority will make your marriage, your kids, and your life SO MUCH BETTER. So how do we invest? Lots of little ways, some bigger. We have done marriage retreats, date nights, a yearly anniversary overnight trip, you get the picture. Don't think you have time or resources to invest in your marriage? I say line up your priorities, and you will. We don't have much extra money, and even less extra time, but we make it work because it is the priority in our lives. (Ps- we asked for a marriage retreat weekend for Christmas from my parents - and it was the best gift!)
7) Red light rule. Justin implemented this rule when we were dating. If you are in the car and stopped at a red light, you are required to kiss. Still to this day Justin will yell 'red light rule!' and lean over for a smooch. It works. And makes me laugh every time. The kids scream from the backseat, but I highly recommend it.
We only have seven years of marriage experience, so we are in no way experts. I do think God has blessed our marriage, and I am so thankful.
What advice would you add?
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